Tuesday, October 13, 2009

*Results not Typical

*I want to be a asterisk!

If your like me you have done many weight loss programs. Usually when starting any weight loss program or even eat whichever program's food, it has a warning label attached, or maybe not so much a warning per say but a message stating they don't guarantee you results. Hence

I've been "on" WW's for 2 1/2 years now. In that time I have been really close to being more then 100lbs lighter then my heaviest. I imagine I am actually more then 100 pounds lighter but back at my largest I didn't really weigh myself. But for WW's starting weight I have only lost 98 at my highest lost.
I've been wavering back and forth about 10 pounds for 1 year now. I am fitting better into clothes compared to last year and my fitness level is better but for some reason I can't break into that <*> category!
I have some sort of block, laziness, mind issue that just seems like I don't care or want to get under that magical #...

So I joined the gym again, since I haven't been hiking as much as I once was to justify not joining the gym again. Plus looks like the weather is starting to get icky so may as well get myself back into the habit of getting sweaty with everyone else.

Training for a 1/2 marathon and while I train I need to also lift weights and do other types of cardio and I think being a member of 24 hour fitness (you know the chain gym, the McDonalds of gyms) is going to help me achieve this.

I'll keep you all posted, yea whomever you are who actually reads my twisted sense of weight loss!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Its sometimes all about the company we keep....

In times when its hard for me its much more helpful to be around people who are also going to help me be strong in my fight!
I don't care about what others are eating per say or what their doing… (I've had to get use to that)
But its emotionally draining to be around others when I am fighting a battle in my own head about food and then no one else cares about it.
It’s a head thing, its weird because I don't exactly know how I feel just know I am not way motivated. When I am around other people in my life who are struggling and they just throw all of the hard work out the door and sor tof give up, I feel it too.
I've started to become a little unglued in my inspiration of losing, I think it has to do with not having a loss in over 2 weeks. I am not saying I need instant gratification but when I am doing what I am "suppose" to and not losing it drains on my own self esteem. I think it might be too that its that time of the month right now so I just want to eat as opposed to being ok with what I've got...

Maybe the fact that I haven't written anything down over my food issues...that's been bothering me!
I have been "fine" and now I'm not. When does this process fix it self. When does my mind catch up with what I am doing and when does this stop being so hard?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

How to convince my brain to stop overeating???

The obvious fact is that all my life I've eaten too much. But why?
Throughout our evolutionary history, food has been scarce, so in order to ensure survival, humans have been conditioned to eat as much as they can whenever food is available.
Unfortunately, when food is abundant and rich in calories, as it is today, the results can be ugly.

~ SO that is an ad for a new product, but it really describes how I feel a lot.
How do I convince my mind I am full before I am SO full???
Got any ideas...

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I feel justified

So today I was kind of dreading but also looking forward to my weekly WI. I dreaded it on one hand because I would be disappointed if all my struggling over how the choices in foods I ate while I on vacation didn't work out, meaning I lost nothing or even gained I would feel like I went through all that for nothing.
I was looking forward to it because I know I did really good with portions and I stayed within my guidelines of what I am looking to achieve.
So with my loss of 3 pounds over this last week, well I feel justified for all my actions.
I feel like I am on the right path and I am starting to get this. Even though my mind doesn't always want to cooperate. I don't always want to do whats best for well being because its hard. I want to be like everyone else sometimes. I mean I don't know exactly what that means but if others are just eating like they don't care, sometimes I want to do that too!
But unfortunately for me I have to be very vigilante of what I do because too many slips will send me sliding down the path I don't want to be on. So alas I carry on doing what I know is right for me.

Monday, August 10, 2009

What is wrong in my mind... This is about food of course!

~So why in my mind does one of my very first thoughts about going on vacation turn to food?
~ Why is it that in my excitement I also get all mixed up with achy feelings about food, seriously what the heck is up with me?
Like I get all "oh where can we go eat!"
I'm like thinking about food from the moment we leave.
I try in my mind to plan every meal & snack. I'm a freak almost, at least in my thoughts. (I have never shared these most crazy & personal feelings)
I'm so weird, at times I wonder are other people this excited, curious & crazy about food?
Seriously though sometimes I am all oh let's do this or eat this. I
try very hard not to get too much off track, I try my hardest to be
prepared for what might happen. I think of all my usual hang ups or
hinderances to my success!
~Snacks, I'm equiped with the tools that will keep me on the path
to healthiness. Examples I take lots of fruit... Bananas, apples & I
even pick up others to help me be as successful as possible.
~Munchies, I make sure I have similar items to what others might be
eating. Example being for chocolate, I will bring some fiber one bars!
Or I'll eat something completely different 94% fat free popcorn.
Carrots & Hummus instead of chips.
I do all of things to try and keep myself successful. There are so
many obstecles in my way, it just so hard to predict.
When it comes to being with family or anyone else who just doesn't
care about their own health how can they even be supportive or care
about MINE?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Sometimes the enemy!

So yea too of my favorite things that I do not have complete control over. I mean I LOVE cheese. If its around I usually want it. My solution so far being in the lifestyle change mode is to have Fat Free cheese around or light. I use light laughing cows which are rich and creamy... feels almost like I am cheating!

The bread OMG the bread. What I can't stand anymore is that its put on my table at dinner. I seem to just MINDLESSLY eat it.
How many pieces was that? Oh 3 now. I don't even need the butter when its nice and warm. Sometimes I want the bread, because I have the "extra" calories left in the day to eat it. Most times though I don't want to be tempted by it or even just like I said before mindless eating happens. I know its rather confusing to my friends. Sometimes I am like yea give me bread and then next time I am like keep it away from me like its the plague.
I am a complex girl with FOOD ISSUES! Sorry its so hard to understand me.
So what is it that I can say to my friends... in a nice way, I will not go out to eat with you if we have the bread, chips or cheese biscuits on the table.
Some of my friends don't have a weight issue or even a problem with food or if they do they don't care. So how is that I bring it up when I am sometimes ok with it but other times I feel like i will go running and screaming out the door if its brought to the table!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Today I was told..

I have no right to be so picky! Well all I have to say is I have no apology for how I want to eat. About what I choose to eat, or what I request to eat.
I've done it the other way for a long time. Look how well that went for myself.
Granted a day of less than healthy menu is fine once and a while but for an every day event, its not something I choose to do.
~ There are 100's of birthdays or going away parties or even potlucks in the year!
There are 4-5 meetings a month at my work, but for myself that doesn't give me license to eat off my plan. Off of the new lifestyle I have chosen.
For the last 2 years I have put myself 1st and I can't stop now. I have my whole life to live!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Found some great quotes....

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeeded is always to try just one more time." Thomas Edison

"It's NEVER too late ~ never too late to start over, never too late to be happy." Jane Fonda

Also I am loving the song from Miley Cyrus ~
The Climb

Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

SO that song totally express how I am feeling most often. Its my new anthem of my journey through this! I hope Miley doesn't mind. Isn't it strange how songs effect us, but the 1st time I heard this song and started to listen to the lyrics I was like OMG this girl is singing about my struggles right now.

Its August already...

So I am still on my path to a healthier & better life. I struggle almost every day. It seems like food consumes everyone. Or maybe because I have a lot of difficulties with food I just see that. I don't know.
Today I had a party with most of my friends. We could all gain from losing weight and becoming more healthy. Most of us have struggled with weight in our adult lives. The last couple of years since being on WW most of the group has gotten better with dishes brought to potlucks or just the amount of food we have at a party in general. Although today its seemed like we had more than enough.
The longer and longer I take to get it, that FOOD shouldn't control my life, I get somewhat stronger. Or maybe its just an illusion. I know right now thought I can't sit in front of food for any long period of time. Even after I feel that I've satisfied my hunger, if I sit in front of chips, bread or any other reachable food I seem to just grab it. There is no purpose for this eating, but it still happens. Why is that? Why do I feel this need or desire to still eat after I already had my share? I don't get it.
Today though I stopped myself, I came to the realization that right now I am not strong enough to over come this. At least for now I can not sit with food in front of me because I will just mindlessly eat because others are doing the same thing.

I know I am rambling and by this time not making much sense but its something I had to write about. I feel like getting my "issues" with food out here helps. Well see :)

Monday, July 27, 2009


The next topic I want to vent about because this is my blog and I can write about anything here in cyberspace.
(Although, many of my friends and family know my blog so yea its not much of a secret) I haven't posted in forever so maybe everyone's lost interest.
Oh well writing for me seems to be helping with my issues so I am going to keep it up! (besides its going to make great material for my psychologist when I need to go see one for my food issues!) I can hand this over and say here read this tell me how to fix me!!!

So I want to know what the deal is...
(Now all my thoughts are going to come out and may not make sense to anyone but here goes)
I don't understand it....why when you tell someone no thank you, I'm fine, or I already ate some they still insist on you having MORE FOOOOD. I have had a weight issue all my life. I am not sure if some of it has to do with me not saying no! (I mean of course a lot is my own fault for not staying active or taking care of myself by watching what I eat, but now it seems like a constant struggle)
Sometimes I just feel like its so much easier to just give in. Its not worth the time, energy or fight about it!
What is it... My GF the other day brought up the same subject. She also thought that maybe the "food pushers" are insecure because of your not eating. I don't know folks I can't explain it. It happens a lot to me.
ALOT at work! Well I guess its just one of the places you spend most of your time so of course there's going to be sooooo much pressure.

Ok so reasons I came up with FOOD PUSHING/Food Pushers:
1. They think your hungry...even though you told them you already ate.
2. They are trying to be a good host... but you've tried something else on the table that is a better choice for your lifestyle.
3. They don't care!!!
4. They're jealous you are doing so well!!!
5. Insecure because if your not eating you think their food is not good
6. Insecure that you can be in control (trying to sabotage your success)
7. I don't know its just me and my crazy thoughts!!!

I am going through this journey some how trying to stay sane. (yea I know what a thought hahahha)
I know I can't control anything anyone else does or what they do with their life, but why oh why are there so many people out there willing to mess with mine?????

Saturday, July 25, 2009

So not sure if you noticed...

The last 2 posts have been about my thoughts and feelings all about food & weight loss. I am starting to write it down as an outlet to maybe look back at & figure out why I am soo messed up when it comes to food & eating.

The hungrys

So what is it about boredom?
Why does it have your crazy mind thinking... hmmm you must be hungry.
Then I am all 2nd guessing myself,
~Wait am I hungry or just THINKING I am hungry???
The mind games I play while trying to live a healthier lifestyle seem to be never ending.

So what is one to do?
Make something or just wait around longer in your boredom to see if it passes.
~So after 15 minutes I decide to give in I started to make something. Since I'm unsure if I am really hungry or just thinking I am hungry, I have no clue what to cook.

I start out with chopping up some veggies... put them in a pan with some olive oil, so I can get that oil in for the day.
Next I start building upon the few veggies by adding some garlic & onions, a little seasoning. Next what do I do with the veggie mixture... do I add some meat, polenta, or eggs (egg whites).

What I don't get is how come there's no real sign! I think the best I can do is control the urge to just eat crap and actually eat something good for me as apposed to just eating out of boredom.

Its a constant battle in my head sometimes. Why?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Free food...

What is it about "free" food that makes some so crazy.
So I work at a large company that has meetings, often. Now most of the
group meetings don't include me or my group. There seems to always be
food ordered, not healthy meals either. I guess for more "normal"
indiviuals this doesn't pose any problem, but for some of us that have
an addiction to food, its sometimes hard!
Ok so because all those people who aren't included in the "food"
getting meeting it makes the food (I guess) so much more desireable! I
belive because it's FREE? Or they feel like since they work here to
it's their right or part of the perks, maybe it's a better meal then
they brought. What I'm trying to say is I'm not exactly sure what it
is. It's probably different for everyone.
So the point of this story is because everyone else wants/
desires to have some, for some reason it makes me have to have some!!!!
I know this may sound crazy to some, but I'm perfectly fine and
content with my own food usually! On "food" meeting days though I'm
not my focused self.
Not sure if its my competive nature, it maybe the "hunt" or the oh I'm
getting something you don't have. It's almost like I feel as though I
win if I get some FREE food, food that some of my coworkers really
desired but weren't able to abtain themselves.
What is that??? I'm not hungry or craving it by any means, so what's
my crazy addict food mind & body thinking???

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

OMG I cant even make it a week!

So I was so trying, obviously not hard enough though to post on my blog.

OK in my defense FACEBOOK. really I am telling you I am on there! Playing FarmTown... it takes up a lot of my "free" time.
Any how the deal is nothing was SWEET today.
Maybe a little Bitter Sweet. So it was 2 year anniversary for me and my friend of when we started WW's.

So the news... since I haven't been doing my regular meeting attendance & haven't exactly been exercising to my usual standards. I have back slid. Which I didn't think was a big deal. But it left me only losing 17 lbs this whole year!
So yea not so hot!

I have decided it time to fight back to be me again.. time to recommitting to the SUCCESS of myself. TO BE ALL I CAN BE!!! Um hope I don't get in trouble by the Army for using their catch phrase.

~ Anyway thought I would share!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Only day 2

& I almost messed up. Ok maybe this blogging every day for a month is going to be too much.

~ I was busy busy busy today, getting ready to go back to work.
~ I went shopping (for groceries & Household things) 5 different places.
~ Did some laundry so I would have clothes to wear.
~ Had dinner with some friends.

OK so whats sweet about any of that... well I also went to Sonic & had a Sonic Blast, Reese peanutbutter cup...Yum that was sweet!

So didn't workout today but am getting my things together for tomorrow.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

National Blog Posting Month..

So this months Theme is ~ SWEET!

Now what am I suppose to say about sweet. Um I LOVE sweets!!
So there has been a lot going on lately that I haven't been posting. In my previous posts I've said I'm on facebook!

Its taking up some of my blog time. I am playing this game called Farm Town. Its addicting planting, plowing & harvesting.
I got some friends playing too, so thats SWEET!

I recently went to MN to visit family and friends. I got to visit with my mom, I hadnt seen her in 2 1/2 years. Hadn't been back to MN since my Dad died, 3 1/2 years. I had a wonderful time seeing some old friends, I went to the Mall of America.
Got a new purse. Its super cute.

Its my newest pride & joy.

So over the last month I was also upset over the Sharks losing in the 1st playoff round. I can't believe how well they did during the season and then come playoffs time lose it.

My church calling has been pretty amazing. Its been fun helping people with their food storage needs. We also have been able to built up our own.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

What's wrong with me

I haven't been here to post anything lately. Well I guess its because I am just into facebook. I post updates there. Yea so if your not my friend on facebook then yea I guess you don't get to know whats going on with me.

OMG my cousin contacted me on facebook. Yea I know not such a big deal for most. But I haven't been in touch with my Dad's side of the family since he passed away. I am happy he found me. I wouldn't have been able to find him.
I am loving facebook though. As you can probably tell by my many mentions of it in the posting.

Lets see what else has been going on. Well I went to the chocolate salon in SF. It was um A LOT of chocolate. I don't think WI today is going to be that fabulous. Oh well its life... its happens.

Steve and I are thinking of going camping next weekend. Its still a little chilly at nights but should be ok. We went in November so I think I can handle April!
Maybe I can go horseback riding.

I've been doing some meetups lately. Whenever my migraines aren't bothering me too much. I miss a few hockey games too in the past couple of months. When I am not feeling well its hard to go into a crowded area with screaming people. Yea not good for headaches.

SO other then that not much else going on. Steve and I will probably go to the Temple on Saturday.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Wordless Wednesday...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Pretty much ADDICTED to facebook.

I feel like I can't go anywhere or do anything "like leave the house" before I write in my status message.

Yea I am crazy...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Happy NEW YEAR!!!

So this is my family on my DH side. We went to a reunion during the holidays. We were able to see 50 of our relatives. We're all wearing shirts made for us for the reunion. They represent the number of our place in the family. People who have left our family had a number but no shirt was made of course.
Only 2 didn't show on purpose because they were with their other family and couldn't be present.
There were 2 of my cousins on their missions who were also unable to attend. The one in Canada, the other in Louisiana. They however are represented in the picture (they're the cardboard cutouts)
It was so nice to be around family again. Its like they understand you...or have to understand you hahahaha!