Friday, September 7, 2012

Am I allowed a reboot?

So here I am again. Why am I HERE again, well I don't know. I have practically perfection in my life. Is it like the Agent in Matrix said that humans were too happy living in peace in harmony and it didn't seem right so much so that they crashed the system. (or something to that effect) I mean my life is as perfect I think I can live it. Perfection and happiness is of course one persons opinion. I have so much that I am blessed with. I am so happy. Except of course 1 thing. Although I can usually hide my unhappiness with the other wonderful things in my life it isn't such a big deal. But alas it is. My weight and physical shape have everything to do with total happiness. So then why is it I am here again!? I don't think I am completely lazy. I don't think it isn't that I don't know how or what to do. The burning question, I keep asking myself over and over is why. Why can't I just get back into the healthy patterns? Why can't I get motivated to do this? I'm a repeat record I tell you. I am always on some sort of "diet" "lifestyle" or "weightloss" plan. I mean ask anyone who's know me for any length of time, 5 or more years. They'll tell you my weight has fluctuated up and down over a 100 pounds a few times. Its CRAZY! All the work, money and time I've put into being "healthy" makes me sick to think about. I'm just wasting time typing this up. I do it alot. Start and have no finish. I want to say this time will be different but am not confident and weather it is that lasttime.