I started on track 6 weeks ago...

In that time I've learned this journey is hard. Just when you think your in control another food ball is sent your way.
Why am I so obsessed with food? I try harder to be more obsessed with exercise. I try thinking constantly of what I can do to MOVE my body. When I can move my body.
In the past 6 weeks my husband joined the gym with me which totally helps. SO far he has helped me get to the gym.

I lost 22 pounds in this last 6 weeks. Helps for the race I am about to do. I don't know about "racing" I am going to walk it though. Doing a 1/2 marathon is always good. It helps boost my sense of accomplishment. Which helps me stay focused.

Wish me luck!

Hiking and my love, hate relationship

Like any form of exercise sometimes I just have a battle. Its mind versus body! The battle of oh if I get up now and just do it, I'll be done. It will be over.
Yesterday I signed up to go hiking with a group and was contemplating up until the very last minute on whether or not to actually go. I keeping think well if you go to the gym ah you only have to be there for like an hour. Then my brain is like but its so nice outside. Then I thought oh you love to hike... its the best feeling of accomplishment. (You know there is nothing like climbing over these hills, up & down and all around then looking across the canyon and seeing where you had once been)
Am I totally strange or what. It seems like everything inside me constantly battles over what or what not to do.
DOES others feel like this?.... UGH!
~ So I ended up going hiking. I at the last minute told myself to quit acting lazy and get my butt ready and go. I dragged my husband along. He wasn't reluctant or anything but he said I told him he didn't have to the night before. Hhahah I think I was watching tv when he asked.
Anyway I didn't think I would be gone too long. I knew I could choose to do 4 miles or sometimes they tacked on an extra loop which added about 2.5 more miles so a total of about 6 1/2 miles. Normally no longer then 2 1/2 hours.
So you know what I put in my pack.... AN APPLE! Thats it. I thought I would be good.
~ At the cut off people where waiting for me. I was the caboose and thank heavens for a supportive husband he stayed back with me the time. When I know he could have walked so much faster. His legs have gotten so strong since we started exercising regularly. Well he's always been strong but now he's getting in really good shape!!!
Anyway I felt good. I was actually feeling those "endorphins" they talk about which push you on. SO when asked if I wanted to do the extra 2 miles I said sure.

WELL collective group who continued on decided oh lets go this way... I wasn't up by them when they decided this little maneuver, when I got up there they said we're going to take off on this path... its new to us.
Ok so when I noticed the name of this trail I was like hmmm honey this trail is one we usually take from the otherside of the park. We hike from another entrance of this same park and I recognized the name. I was thinking omg we're going to hike over to almost the other side of the park. I didn't think that though until we were about 1/2 way there.
Sorry to make a long story sort of shorter we ended up adding 4.5 miles to this hike. My total hike was just about 8 1/2 miles for the day. It took just about 4 hours.

Needless to say I was starving. My apple was not as satisfying as a sandwich or other food could have been. Thank goodness I have some other emergency items in my pack. I ate this jelly, type energy thing I got from a 10k I did. I had to I needed some energy.
I was running out of water... I was struggling. I started to get cramps in my legs in the weirdest muscles. It was a very exhausting hike for me.
I wanted to quit. But you know what you can't... the thing about being on a hike which is sometimes good or bad. Your out on a trail you can't just get off a machine or in 10 minutes oh the class will be over and you can just leave now.

I feel like I over came an obstacle yesterday afternoon. the questioning I have about myself. As to what I can accomplish... about what my body can actually do.

NOW I do think though next time I am bringing more snacks and definitely more WATER!!!

OH and I say bring on the 1/2 marathon I am READY! I am going to get a better time then my last. I don't know excatly how much slogging (slow jogging) I will get done in the 13.2 miles, but I do know I can do better then last time!

Wow its been a long while since I wrote.....

It has been too long. But you know every now & then you relapse.
Went to my WW meeting and last nights topic was support. How to ask for help.

I think Ive been doing so much better (and I've said this before) when most of everyone around me is trying to accomplish the same thing.
Like it still iterates me to some degree when I'm told don't want to hear about all the WW stuff.
It's like are you kidding me. Its part of me. How can I not talk about it. Plus almost my whole group of friends, we need to start talking about it. Not nessaryily about WW's but fitness & health and eating better.
We're not all in our 20's anymore and if we were concerned about each other then we do need to talk about.
-I know there's a differance of forceful and just talking about it.
-I know not everyone is like me but I think a lot people feed and drive off others. Studies show if your around people who care about their health and want to take care of themselves eventually it starts to wear off. I mean the obesity in my group is something we could work on, something we should work on.
Sometimes just like everyone else its like oh I don't care. I can't!

Awhile ago my friends saw me going down that path again, the one I was on before. They started seeing destructive behaviors in me that I use to have daily. *With food & fitness.
ME being Unhelpful to myself.
*Eventually I started to see. Telling myself "I have lost all this weight, I can't revert to my old ways and just watch myself lose control."
Sometimes it takes a friend to help you take a step back.

I know I can't worry about everyone else… I need to focus on myself and my family. Even though I consider my group family, its tough - I can't wrap myself up in what people do or don’t do. Its really hard.
All I can control is myself. And what I choose to do.

My Husband is helping me be the person I want to be it's so incredible
Ok omg I am going to start crying. Thinking about how supportive my man has been is just... hard to explain.
That time of the month you know more emotional then usual!

This weight loss thing is a trip... a long journey of learning.
Everyone's different.

I don't think I will ever be able to change my worrying but I try. Preventing an untimely death, I mean you wouldn't continue to watch someone drink & drive, or abuse themselves with drugs... or at least I can't.

My dilemma of the month!

So I feel like I am getting back into the grooove...

Oh gosh this weight loss thing is just not as cut & dry emotionally as I once thought. Its a total mind game. With yourself & sometimes others.

I've been getting back on track with my diet & exercise too. Its mind tricks I try playing with myself, like this morning I so didn't FEEEEEL like going. But I did it anyway and feel really good.

I am a slacker...

Its been way too long since I sat my happy butt down and wrote in here. With my facebook account I feel like I say just about everything so no need to do the whole "blog" thing anymore.

Well not really. I mean I never talk about my weight on FB. Well not usually. I am so lost right now, Unmotivated! I'm working on it. I read another ladies blog its called Cranky Fitness. She cracks me up. I recently read an old blog post of hers about motivation. That its a job to get yourself back there. Yep thats how I feel. Like every time I am getting back into the swing of things I just do something stupid to fall back in my same routine.

A few days ago I signed up to do my 2nd 1/2 marathon. My friends were kind of giving me crap about spending the money to do it. All I was thinking was why would I be worried about the money if it gets me back into the frame of mine I need to be in. That is PRICELESS in my opinion. Its hard, I don't know how some people in WW's get so far with hardly any set backs. I mean there was a change in me. I want to be different and process things differently but its just been a rough road this last few months.

So yea signed up for a 1/2 marathon. I am hoping to actually run most of this. I mean my last I walked almost all of it. I walk pretty fast on average, but I know I can do way better!

Need to get some of this weight back off my body so it will be easier for me to actually run.