Wow 2 years later. Can I still write in my blog?

So I found this picture with this wonderful quote on it while searching for something else. Today in my class I heard this awesome quote..."Set unreasonable goals and go after them unreasonably." Sometimes my weightloss is a never ending goal. I set mini goals all hopefully making my larger/longer goal possible. Somehow though I veer off track, not sticking with the original set goals. Thus become discouraged and not following through on any of my goals. Committed is where I need to be in my head, not just interested. Committed to change, committed to activity, and committed to myself. This quote just is an inspiration at this moment in my life. I feel as if right now I am finally allowing me to find myself. Allowing me to come into my own. We'll see how it all works out in the end. Ok maybe not the end but how about the next couple of months.

Am I allowed a reboot?

So here I am again. Why am I HERE again, well I don't know. I have practically perfection in my life. Is it like the Agent in Matrix said that humans were too happy living in peace in harmony and it didn't seem right so much so that they crashed the system. (or something to that effect) I mean my life is as perfect I think I can live it. Perfection and happiness is of course one persons opinion. I have so much that I am blessed with. I am so happy. Except of course 1 thing. Although I can usually hide my unhappiness with the other wonderful things in my life it isn't such a big deal. But alas it is. My weight and physical shape have everything to do with total happiness. So then why is it I am here again!? I don't think I am completely lazy. I don't think it isn't that I don't know how or what to do. The burning question, I keep asking myself over and over is why. Why can't I just get back into the healthy patterns? Why can't I get motivated to do this? I'm a repeat record I tell you. I am always on some sort of "diet" "lifestyle" or "weightloss" plan. I mean ask anyone who's know me for any length of time, 5 or more years. They'll tell you my weight has fluctuated up and down over a 100 pounds a few times. Its CRAZY! All the work, money and time I've put into being "healthy" makes me sick to think about. I'm just wasting time typing this up. I do it alot. Start and have no finish. I want to say this time will be different but am not confident and weather it is that lasttime.

Been almost 2 months on WW

I went back to Weight Watchers (WW) in May. It was a good decision for me. I did really well on it last time and I plan on keeping it in my life to come.
My husband is happy about it since now I really am aware of cooking and eating out. Travel has been hard. Its harder to stay focused when your not in control of where the food is coming from. Although I believe I did ok while away over this past week. Its what I could do with what I had.
Down again and so I've lost 21 pounds over the last 8 weeks. I think its great and I know right now I continue on. On this running sticker I bought it says its not how fast you finish, its as long as you finish. Although I will never be done with my weight struggles or food issues there is a finish with the aspect of weight. I won't always have to "lose" weight. However managing is a whole other story.

SO it been a year...

Lots can happen in a year. A woman can already have a 2 month old, for heaven sakes. Not for me though. Last year after I wrote that very last blog until now things went spiraling out of control.
I am an emotional eater. I do not really know how to control it. I just push down the feelings with "yummy" foods. I am not trying to excuse it. I mean I know what I did to myself which makes me sick to think about. See my mom went into the hospital last year right around now. Well I believe its actually a few days from now. It was a scary scary thing. I know many people live without their mom's, but for me I just never ever imagined it.

I started on track 6 weeks ago...

In that time I've learned this journey is hard. Just when you think your in control another food ball is sent your way.
Why am I so obsessed with food? I try harder to be more obsessed with exercise. I try thinking constantly of what I can do to MOVE my body. When I can move my body.
In the past 6 weeks my husband joined the gym with me which totally helps. SO far he has helped me get to the gym.

I lost 22 pounds in this last 6 weeks. Helps for the race I am about to do. I don't know about "racing" I am going to walk it though. Doing a 1/2 marathon is always good. It helps boost my sense of accomplishment. Which helps me stay focused.

Wish me luck!

Hiking and my love, hate relationship

Like any form of exercise sometimes I just have a battle. Its mind versus body! The battle of oh if I get up now and just do it, I'll be done. It will be over.
Yesterday I signed up to go hiking with a group and was contemplating up until the very last minute on whether or not to actually go. I keeping think well if you go to the gym ah you only have to be there for like an hour. Then my brain is like but its so nice outside. Then I thought oh you love to hike... its the best feeling of accomplishment. (You know there is nothing like climbing over these hills, up & down and all around then looking across the canyon and seeing where you had once been)
Am I totally strange or what. It seems like everything inside me constantly battles over what or what not to do.
DOES others feel like this?.... UGH!
~ So I ended up going hiking. I at the last minute told myself to quit acting lazy and get my butt ready and go. I dragged my husband along. He wasn't reluctant or anything but he said I told him he didn't have to the night before. Hhahah I think I was watching tv when he asked.
Anyway I didn't think I would be gone too long. I knew I could choose to do 4 miles or sometimes they tacked on an extra loop which added about 2.5 more miles so a total of about 6 1/2 miles. Normally no longer then 2 1/2 hours.
So you know what I put in my pack.... AN APPLE! Thats it. I thought I would be good.
~ At the cut off people where waiting for me. I was the caboose and thank heavens for a supportive husband he stayed back with me the time. When I know he could have walked so much faster. His legs have gotten so strong since we started exercising regularly. Well he's always been strong but now he's getting in really good shape!!!
Anyway I felt good. I was actually feeling those "endorphins" they talk about which push you on. SO when asked if I wanted to do the extra 2 miles I said sure.

WELL collective group who continued on decided oh lets go this way... I wasn't up by them when they decided this little maneuver, when I got up there they said we're going to take off on this path... its new to us.
Ok so when I noticed the name of this trail I was like hmmm honey this trail is one we usually take from the otherside of the park. We hike from another entrance of this same park and I recognized the name. I was thinking omg we're going to hike over to almost the other side of the park. I didn't think that though until we were about 1/2 way there.
Sorry to make a long story sort of shorter we ended up adding 4.5 miles to this hike. My total hike was just about 8 1/2 miles for the day. It took just about 4 hours.

Needless to say I was starving. My apple was not as satisfying as a sandwich or other food could have been. Thank goodness I have some other emergency items in my pack. I ate this jelly, type energy thing I got from a 10k I did. I had to I needed some energy.
I was running out of water... I was struggling. I started to get cramps in my legs in the weirdest muscles. It was a very exhausting hike for me.
I wanted to quit. But you know what you can't... the thing about being on a hike which is sometimes good or bad. Your out on a trail you can't just get off a machine or in 10 minutes oh the class will be over and you can just leave now.

I feel like I over came an obstacle yesterday afternoon. the questioning I have about myself. As to what I can accomplish... about what my body can actually do.

NOW I do think though next time I am bringing more snacks and definitely more WATER!!!

OH and I say bring on the 1/2 marathon I am READY! I am going to get a better time then my last. I don't know excatly how much slogging (slow jogging) I will get done in the 13.2 miles, but I do know I can do better then last time!